Remember before you had any children? Seriously, remember your life. For me, it's hard to remember much from back then. It's easy to remember some significant events, and a few important people, but it's hard to remember what an average day looked like. You had your family and friends and they were (and still are) great, but you were only responsible for yourself. You woke up in the morning and didn't have to think about anyone but you. You would feed yourself, clean yourself, and entertain...yourself. And if you didn't want to do any of those things, that was fine too. You could stay up all night long or sleep for 14 hours. It was fine.
Remember how you felt when you found out you were pregnant? Whether it was planned or not, I guarantee there was a solid mixture of terror and exhilaration. Remember how long it took to sink in? It never did really. Not until you were driving to the hospital. Still no? Was it when the doctor told you the inevitable, 'it's time.."? Or did you not fully grasp the idea of becoming a mother until you heard that first tiny cry and held your precious gift for the first time?
We had no idea, did we?
We had no idea how our lives were really changed at that moment. We became mothers.
Now, take 2 minutes to watch this...
For me, that's ^ kind of what it was like. That little moment on Finding Nemo touches my heart EVERY single time. Why? It always reminds me of me and my baby boy; that moment that it became clear it was just going to be me and him and that everything was going to be okay.
I never knew the true capacity of love until he was born. He was my miracle. My miracle that barely weighed 6 lbs. How could an entire world be bundled up in such a tiny person? It's easy... God did that. God knew being a mother was my purpose on this earth and that Waylon would be my greatest blessing, my most fulfilling gift.
I had my baby when I was still a baby myself. I went straight from being a child to raising one. I've gone through phases of battling myself in my own mind over time. One side being that I never got to have any fun and I never had that freedom like all my friends did to experience the world in all its glory. The opposing (and forever-winning) argument being that I had been given something way beyond anything else. A son. It didn't take too awfully long for those longings to go away, to be young and wild and free. My baby was the most important thing in my universe, and once I realized that, it changed my outlook on life entirely.
My best friend (who also became a single mother at a very young age) and I have discussed this for hours and hours. She's one of the smartest people I know, and some of the stuff she's said to me over the years has really impressed me. We've both realized things in our own time and in our own ways, but one thing sticks out to me more than anything else she's ever said. She said that the reason her and her daughter (her first-born child) have a bond that's unlike any other is because her daughter wasn't the only one growing up. They grew up together. They're still growing up together. A child raising a child. That resonated with me like nothing ever had before. They grew up together. Wow.....
It was just the same for me and Waylon. He's 7 now. He's not grown up, but he's not a baby anymore. I was still growing up when he came along. And he grew right alongside me. Like my friend and her daughter, my son and I have an unshakeable bond. And I never looked at it from that prospective before. So I'll say, again, he is my miracle. It was never my plan to have a child when I was a teenager. It especially wasn't my plan to do it without my child's father. But God provided in every way for me and my son.
Waylon was born 1 month early and only weighed 5lbs 13oz when I took him home from the hospital. He had this tiny little mouse-like cry. We all laughed so hard in the hospital room when he'd wince. He was so teeny tiny I think we were all worried we were going to break him. He grew though. We knew he was a genius before he turned 1. He was talking in complete sentences before he could even walk. He developed so early intellectually. He was reading before he was 4. I worked really hard with him when he was a baby, but the truth of the matter is most of this was all God-given. He's just very naturally gifted. He's not into sports or ridiculously obsessed with music. But he's the smartest kid I know. He's timid and shy and he'll barely talk to anyone, but he has a huge heart. One that is soft. He has big plans for his future too. He recently told me he wants to be an engineer and that he wants to build mechanical things. I am so proud of my boy. He is his own person. And although he's not outspoken, I think he'll be a great leader in the future. I have so much to be proud of.
Waylon gave me life. He gave me a laugh I didn't have before. A different kind of smile. His presence gave my heart a comfort and a peace like nothing else. So much joy. And the motivation to go places in life. To go places together. He was proof to me of God's grace, God's forgiveness, and God's love. We've gone through so much together already in just 7 years. He's seen me laugh, seen me cry, seen me blissfully happy, and seen me devastated. He's heard my anger, my joy, my silliness, and my unconditional love for him and his brother. His father not being around did a number on me at times, but we had each other through all of it. We saw each other through all of it. Again, we've grown up together. And we still are. He's always been my little man. And now he's growing into a young boy instead of a baby. I hear him say things that I say. Make jokes that I make. Be sarcastic about the same things as me. We even get excited about the same things now. MY CUP RUNNETH OVER. I am so, so grateful for this sweet child of mine. He helped mold me into well, me. Even though we make mistakes, God doesn't.
It's crazy to think about all of the things we feel like we did wrong, as people, as parents. But how about the fact that God always worked it out? How. Bout. That. There's always a lesson for us, always a plan. How amazing is that, my friends? There's a blessing in every tragedy. You must hold on to that.
I pray that I can be a shining example of a strong, Godly woman for both of my boys and that when they someday become fathers, they'll know they had a loving mother beside them always and that that is something they never had to question. I hope that that memory can be a model to them of what loving a child looks like.
I just wanted to write this to tell how important Waylon is to me, and to maybe take you back to those first moments with your little one (or maybe now big one.) REMEMBER THOSE THINGS. It seems so easy for us to forget those early years, to forget what it was like having a baby. Do yourself a favor though and try to. How lucky are we, really??? :) :) :)
And now, I'm gonna take a minute to enjoy these moments with my little WJ <3
Wow. How the time flies. He'll be 8 this year and I'll be 28. It seems unreal. I am definitely going to do my best to cherish every moment with my sweet boys. We only get this once. And it's gone in an instant. I am so thankful for what my kids bring into my life. And now that I've written this, and now that I've gone through so many pictures... I just can't.... stop... smiling. :) :) :) :) :) *and wiping happy tears away* ;)
Thanks everyone for reading. Now go love on your kiddy kats!!!
<3 Whitney
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