My Personal 'Remedies' for Depression & Anxiety

Good afternoon lovelies.  I have been absent for a couple of weeks with a lot going on!  I am happy to be back today and ready to share some things.  This is not going to be a downer of a post by any means, despite the title.

DISCLAIMER: this is not knocking medication, counseling, therapy, or Jesus.

I have really mixed feelings about depression.  While I believe it's ABSOLUTELY real and take it very seriously, I also believe that YOU are the only medicine that will cure it.  You and you alone.  Not your boyfriend.  Not your dog.  Not your wife.  Not your mommy.  Not your best friend.  All of these help, sure.  The people in our lives are very important to our healing.  What I'm trying to say is, YOU have to WANT to heal.  YOU have to DECIDE to pick yourself up.  No one else can do it for you.  This is something I've realized as of late. 

I've battled depression for going on about five years now.  It comes and goes.  And with it, anxiety.  I think the anxiety part has a lot to do with always being a worrier and that intensifying by an unspeakable amount when I became a mother.  Anyway... I've learned that things are the worst when I decide to let them be.  Things are as hard and unbearable as I make them.  I'm way too hard on myself and sometimes even get addicted to the pain.  People who have dealt with this will surely understand...

Yeah.  We all know the song ;).

To me, this is what it feels like when I let it get the best of me (like a little baby>>>)

............. yep.  That pretty much sums it up.  Does that sound like fun?  H NO!  But it happens, unfortunately.  Okay, so that was a pretty long introduction to the topic, but since I've had conversations with people in my life and also noticed others struggling with these same things recently, I wanted to share a few different things that help me overcome when the darkness sets in a little too deeply.  And with that, here are the things that help to remedy the sadness and worry in my life.

1.)  Exercise.  Cuz the only thing that makes you wanna do stuff is doing stuff.

2.)  Laying in a hammock.  Not swaying.  Just laying, seeing, and listening to the trees.

Seriously... if you haven't tried this, it'll change your life.  AND provide for some serious clarity.


3.) Louis Armstrong.  This station gives me more happiness and good feelings than any other on Pandora.  His music awakens my soul.  I'd certainly hope it would do the same for you.  TRY IT FOR REALS!

4.) Sweatpants.  Some of my friends don't know the beauty that is the feeling of sweatpants, but I am not ashamed to be in a close relationship with my favorite pair.

5.) Christmas.  ALL. THINGS. CHRISTMAS. ALWAYS.

(more specifically, Silver Dollar City in all of its Christmas gloryyyyyy :)

6.) I know I said people can't help you, but more of what I meant is no one can FORCE you to get over your own sadness.  I saved the best for last on my list.  My two beautiful children.  When I've been super low, one of them will just do something so off-the-wall funny or even just simply give me a giggle full of joy.  That's what really helps me snap out of it.  The happiness they bring into my life couldnt' be put into words.  They are constant reminders of all of the positive things in my life.  Constant reminders of what being blessed looks like.  Constant reminders of how easy it really is to just be happy and enjoy life.  It's all a matter of conscious decision, at least in my experience it has been.  They motivate me to be the best me and to get better all the time.  Wow!!  I love them so!

Those two right there, man.  They are worth being awesome for.  :)

And when you finally do come out of the hibernation you put yourself in, it will feel like you've been lost in the desert for an unknown amount of time...

But now you've finally found water... just like they do on Catching Fire.

And now you can finally see clearly again.

 

I hope you enjoyed this a little or found comfort in it at least.  We all struggle.  We all have our demons.  We all have our baggage.  And we all have a past with bad things that have happened to us.  The trick is not to make yourself the victim of all of that.  To triumph despite all of those things.  To not let yourself get so low that you can no longer see a way to dig out.  Just be happy.  You have so much to live for.  Putting some (and I barely made a dent) of the things down on paper that make me happy has really opened my eyes.  So maybe my last bit of advice would be to do the same... well... in addition to the things listed above (wink, wink).  What are some 'remedies' of yours?  What makes you happiest?  What has made you snap out of it?  I'd love to hear your side :)

Thank you all for reading.  I love you muchly!

And just remember... when you're feeling low....

*sorry for the F-bomb, mom*

-Whit

Confessions of a Stage 5 Clinger

Sorry folks, but “How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days” was already taken. I see though, that the title still pulled you in. So here goes.

I really don’t think of myself as a clinger. I just had to set the right dynamic for this post I’m about to write. You see… I, Whitney, am a lover. And sometimes… that comes across the wrong way.

My entire life, well since I can remember at least, I have ‘needed’ a boy. Don’t ask me why, because I really don’t know. It’s just… how I’ve always been. When I was a teenager, I believed that was the only way I’d be fully happy- to have a boyfriend. When I was a young, single mother (still in the young and dumb phase) I thought that me ‘finding’ a man to marry me and be a father to my child was the only way he’d have a ‘normal’ life. After having my second child *and becoming a single mother of two tiny humans rather than just one* I lost all hope to ever have a ‘real’ family of my own. I have spent much time in this mindset: “once I finally meet the one, we will get married and our life will finally begin.” IS THAT NOT INSANITY?????!!!!!

Why yes, yes it is. See, that all changed a little over a year ago. I woke up one morning and was completely unsatisfied with my life. I was depressed, at my wit’s end as a single mother, heartbroken over a man who led me on for months and lived 500 miles away, and just completely washed up in my own misery. I opened my eyes one day and I was just SO FREAKING OVER IT. I decided to change, then and there. I quit smoking. I let the EFF go of that man I’d been holding onto for so long. I got out of bed and did stuff. I looked at my children and fell completely in love with them all over again. I started owning my life, instead of being the victim of it. I started enjoying my children and realized how valuable my time with them really is. I stopped focusing on all the stuff that was missing and being grateful for the amazing life that’s been given to me. My life is awesome. How did I get so lucky? My incredible family and my friends… I can’t even speak to how much love has been shown to me. So yeah, my life changed when I began to fall in love with it. Love, love LOVE.

In the past year, my heart has been transformed. After a few months of being in charge of my life, I realized something had changed. That need… that need for a man that I’d been feeling since I was a little girl… it wasn’t there anymore. I was perfectly content on my own, with my two beautiful children. I’ve read so many quotes and articles and motivational stories over the course of the past year, and there’s one common factor. Loving yourself. A million quotes about falling in love with yourself and how it changes you forever. Believe me, I can attest to it. To be blissfully happy alone is a big deal. It’s actually a HUGANTIC, GINORMOUS deal, and it happened to me. *happy tears*

Now….

All of the above is wonderful stuff. It’s just good stuff, man.

Here’s the little truth of it all, though. You’re still you. Even after a huge life change like that, you’re still you. I am still me. Although I quit looking for a man and lost all interest in dating, that doesn’t mean that men quit existing. It also doesn’t mean that I can avoid ever meeting any or getting involved with one. Being happy alone kind of started to feel like I had to protect myself… like I had to put on some armor that’d keep me from letting anyone close. To be honest, it paid off.

But life… oohhhh life. You silly goose, you. You can be as big and bad as you wanna be, but that doesn’t stop people from making their way in. Here comes that part where this gets a little weird.

When someone works their way into your life and becomes so important to you, how can you not care about them? I tried for months, but eventually, I couldn’t help myself any longer. When there’s a connection, a true, organic connection… you can only run from it for so long.

Romance in 2014 is a sad, sad story. At least it is in my opinion. You have to play hard to get to get someone to pursue you. You have to ignore them to keep them intrigued. You have to worry about texting and Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat and e-mail and God-forbid, the occasional ACTUAL phone call.

And even though they (you know, the men) clearly are having serious feelings for you, you can only reciprocate them to a certain extent. Otherwise, they’re running for the hills. You can’t allow that line to be crossed where you’re feelings are all out on the table. Once you’re that vulnerable, chances are…

And then that turns into this. Now it’s YOUR fault. You- the lover. You’ve gotten too involved. You’ve put yourself out there. You must’ve misread all of those signals that made you think that was okay. You silly girl.

Well, guess what??

I think a girl should be able to be into a guy and that be okay. I think it should be okay to behave just like the man does, and it be acceptable. Let’s face it, men and women are not the same. They never will be. I guess I just wanna say, it’s not fair that men are admired for being open and honest and vulnerable with their feelings, but women are pushed aside for it. Usually, labeled for it too.

*clinger alert*

So yeah, maybe the title of this post was a little sarcastic. I am not a clinger. I am someone who takes a long time to warm up to someone, but when I get on a certain level with someone, yeah, I expect things. And there it is. Expectation: the route of all heartache. Once expectation becomes a factor, I guess that’s the crossroads. That said, I wanna make some things clear.

*JUST BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU DOES NOT MEAN I AM THINKING OF OUR UNBORN CHILDREN’S NAMES

*LOVING YOU DOESN’T MEAN I AM MAKING WEDDING PLANS

*BEING WITH ME DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE TOTALLY MOVING IN TOGETHER SOMEDAY AND THE REST IS RIGHT OUT OF A FAIRY TALE

*DATING ME DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU GIVE UP YOUR OWN LIFE AND ALL OF THE THINGS THAT ARE YOURS, THAT YOU LOVE TO HAVE AND SEE AND DO.

*ME WANTING YOU WITH ME DOES NOT MEAN I AM DESPERATE FOR A RELATIONSHIP.  BUT ISN'T THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF WANTING TO DATE ME... TO YOU KNOW... DATE?

*YOU ARE NOT PART OF MY LIFE-LONG PLAN TO FIND THE PERFECT MATE AND TO BE LOVED FOREVER.  THIS JUST HAPPENED.  WE MET.  THERE'S NOTHING FANCY ABOUT IT.
Are you getting my point?

Things are misunderstood. As a woman, I feel misread. Hell, even as a friend I feel misread. Things are blown way out of proportion. And why? Because getting on this level with someone is such a bad thing? Sure, there’s always a chance (and a pretty good one, too) that things could end up bad. But that’s life. I just hope that someone along the line will respect me enough to realize that I’m just a normal human being that deserves more than second-rate attention or ignorance or flakey communication. And that I’m a grownup and I’m not playing games anymore. I’m way past that. Everyone wants to be loved, but not everyone will allow themselves to be as such. Sad, but true.  Those points up above might be what you're thinking, but really it's as simple as this, nothing more... nothing less:

So friends, I’m not a clinger. I’m a lover. If I care, chances are you cared first, or at least at the same time. I didn’t get here all on my own. So, stop with that.

Okay, that was a little dramatic, but shit. Someone somewhere has to relate because this has happened to me twice now in the past 2 years. Or should I say, I’ve allowed this to happen twice.  I'm just not allowing it anymore.  And I am no longer apologizing for who I am.  Why should it be like, "hey I really care about you, sorry," or "I think I might love you, don't get a speeding ticket."

I’ll end with this thought. I think falling in love is easy. It’s exciting and endearing and it’s a total rush. But what’s really hard to find, is someone you genuinely like. Someone you LIKE being around (at least) most of the time, someone you LIKE to do things with, someone you LIKE to laugh with, someone you LIKE talking to and going through things with. I think that’s what’s truly rare. Liking someone enough to have a substantial relation with them. And sometimes, the reality of it all is just that they just….don’t…like you. That’s the long and short of it.

At least I don’t miss out on the chances that my soul is touched.  So thank you for doing that thing.... touching my soul.

Love always, The Stage 5 Clinger ;)

Month 1 Progress :)

Hello and good morning!  Happy October 1st!  Goodbye month #1 and hello month #2 :)  This morning I woke up with a hopeful heart.  Finally got some rest last night and feeling a little refreshed!  So as you can imagine, the first thing I did when I rolled out of bed this morning was hop on that scale.  It's been waiting for me for a month lol.  I was so pleased with the number!!!  I am seeing some real proof of how hard I've been working!  It's so encouraging.  So, with that said.  Lemme break it down fo ya.

Things I've Lost: Month 1:

-THIRTEEN POUNDS!!!!!

- Several inches.  I never measured myself as far as inches go, but I will share this little delightful fact with you... A PAIR OF SKINNY JEANS AND A PAIR OF SKINNY DRESS PANTS NOW BUTTON AFTER A YEAR OF OWNING THEM AND NEVER BEING ABLE TO GET THEM TO BUTTON OR EVEN ZIP ALL THE WAY!!!  I had a date Saturday and the jeans just slipped right on, no problem.  (Not a bad feeling before heading out the door to meet someone.)  Then this morning my dress pants for work... SAMEZIES!!!  It's a big deal.  I look forward to the day when I can discuss publicly the extreme measures I (like many big girls) have gone to to alter my appearance/ wear certain things.  I'm just not ready yet lol.

-Shirts.  Along with fitting into some smaller things, several shirts are already too big for me to wear.  My wardrobe is changing.  Although some of the expensive things make me sad to see them go, this is a GREAT THING!  See ya later, big shirts!

-Bad Hair.  I finally got to shed the rest of that formerly-dyed-black-and-dead-forever hair.  Now I have a super short and fun cut that I love and my hair is natural and healthy again!  (Not that anyone really cares lol, but it feels so much better.)

Things I've Gained: Month 1:

-A little confidence. I've always struggled with this, even when I was in high school and worked out 4-5 hours a day and in the best shape of my life.  ANYWAY, I've been so down on myself for so long for my physical appearance, that I've kind of sold my self short on everything I DO have to offer and the gifts I have been blessed with.  Feeling better physically has just kind of started to scratch the surface on all the things I've got goin' for me, which are a lot.  It's been nice to start seeing some of these things again.

-A great support system.  You have no idea how much even just one little sentence or one little text or comment encourages me.  I have a little handful of some real champions that have stepped into some really supportive roles in my life right now.  So, thank you for that.  So grateful I get to share life with you, my loves.

-Physical activities with my babies.  I've always done stuff with my boys *duh* but it's better than it ever has been before and I am starting to be able to do more and more with them.  For example, walking/hiking through Silver Dollar City for 9 hours without stopping, 1 of those hours being touring Marvel Cave.  We've also been going on walks around the neighborhood.  We also have a new thing where I go on runs (also in our neighborhood) while Weston rides his bike and Waylon rides his scooter.  These are my favorites.  Just feeling comfortable again with moving my body and awakening all the muscles has been... great.  Nothing greater though than to see how happy my boys are when we're doing stuff together :)

-A soft heart.  This might sound totally lame-o, but it's true.  I've been through (just like everyone else on the planet) some serious SHITE these last few years, and that has caused me to end up having a very 'hard heart.'  I've gotten kind of obsessed with bettering myself.  So much so that I've put up some serious walls with people.  Family, friends, romance, all of it.  Even to a point where I've realized I've become very reclusive and also swallowed up in my own negativity.  Well, things change.  Life is ever-changing and the heart is ever-evolving and I find that very... whimsical, really!  Although I've learned you can't CONTROL who is in your life, you can definitely make sure everyone in it knows how much they mean to you.  Letting people back in has really made me start to understand again that they are what make life...well...life.  I am no longer letting what's happened to me control my future.  I have been happy on my own these last few months, truly so so happy,  but it doesn't have to be that way forever :)  This quote in a new favorite song of mine has really just been on my heart as of late:  "What is happiness worth anyway if no one's there left to share it?"  So yeah, there's that.

 
So yeah!!!  There you have it, my progress for month 1.  Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to read this.  Now time for corn mazes and hayrides and pumpkins and beautiful colors of fall!  Halloween promises to be pretty fun this year at the Wright Household.  Also, I hear that 27 is the best year ever, so maybe this birthday is something to look forward to this year.  Right, Shawna? ;)

Hope you all have a SUPERULTRAMEGAAWESOME day.  Love.