I've been pondering this for a while now, and there is just something I have to say as a woman.
All my life I have correlated my love life with my physical appearance. Like any other normal person, I have had terrible relationships. I've had lonely times, and also times that I have loved being single. Haven't most of us been through all of those? The problem for me though is I have blamed a good portion of the bad stuff on my reflection.
Since I was a teenager I have had never-ending thoughts of worthlessness. "If I was prettier, boys would like me." "If I was skinnier, people would think I was as good-looking as (insert name of any high school girlfriend)." "My love life wouldn't be such a disaster if I was hot." "He wouldn't treat me this way if I was a total babe." As I have gotten a little older, they sounded more like this: "Maybe if I had a smokin' body, I could get a date." "Once he sees me in person, he won't like me." "If my friends see me in a bathing suit, they won't want to be seen with me." "People would be nicer to me if I wasn't overweight." "I'm single because I'm fat." "How could anyone ever love me? Look at me."
Pretty brutal, eh?
Well, since I have changed my entire life this year, I want to speak to those things. For myself, and for any other woman who might need to hear it.
See, what I have learned in the last few months is that females everywhere feel this way. From size 00 to size 28, they have told me their insecurities. Those are a big topic of discussion when you are on a journey to health. When I have voiced my modesty or my struggles with what I see in the mirror, I've been told by others of all shapes and sizes that they have felt the same. It's not just something big girls feel. This came as a pretty big shock to me, and honestly, it's still a little hard for me to fathom.
I couldn't help but be stunned by this new information, and it made me think about how much pressure there is for us girls to be perfect. Anyone who has the Internet or a television, or heck, anyone who walks outside can be overwhelmed with what we are "supposed" to look like. Society's standards are everywhere, people. And yeah, those people are beautiful. Of course they are. But why are we made to feel so ugly for looking like... well, ourselves? Why is being me not good enough? Why is this not considered beautiful?
GUESS WHAT. WHO CARES.
I have worked my ass off since January 1st to become healthy again, and it has already paid off tremendously. 51 lbs in 4 months is a pretty big deal. But still, I have been too insecure to post to Facebook because I'm not happy with how I look "yet." I'm "not ready" for people to see me. Why? Will they like me less? Will the people I never see or speak to in real life have a certain opinion of me? And God forbid, will someone not find me to be attractive?
GUESS WHAT. WHO CARES.
Here is what I have learned, and here is what I know:
YOU. ARE. EXTRAORDINARY.
You are the only you in the universe. Why would you want to be someone else?
So you're starting to show laugh lines? Great. That means you've had joy in your life.
You have rolls in your tummy when you sit down? So do the majority of people who eat food in this country.
You're hair is too thin. Your eyes are too far apart. You're nose is too big. Your thighs touch each other. You have stretch marks.
You're a size 12. You're a size 2. You're a size 20.
You have cankles. You have freckles. Your feet are too big. Your butt is too small. You have cellulite.
See? The list could go on for days. Weeks. Months. Years, I tell you!
But, you know what? My statement remains the same...
YOU. ARE. EXTRAORDINARY.
Just as you are.
We HAVE to embrace ourselves just as we are- the flaws, the imperfections, the good, the bad, and the ugly. What you look like does not determine your worth, your honor, or your significance. Okay? Who you are to your core determines those things.
I've been told throughout my life things like I wear too much makeup or not enough makeup. That I'm beautiful, "but just imagine how beautiful you'd be if you lost weight." I've been called fat. I've been treated differently because of how I look. But you know what else? I've been told I'm hilarious. I'm smart. I'm independent. I'm a wonderful mother. I can do anything. Just as I am. Those comments easily outweigh the bad ones, so why are the bad ones the ones that stick? We have to change that.
I saw a video one time asking adults and children what they'd change about themselves if they could. The adults answered immediately, some listing multiple things they'd like to be different. The children, however, were perfectly content with themselves, even confused as to why someone would change a thing. It was moving.
Let's embrace that kind of mindset, because being beautiful to society will go no further than that- being beautiful to society. Having a beautiful soul, a generous heart, an intelligent mind, being a dear friend, loving to your family, working hard to be successful... those are beautiful. What you look like in all of those things... that is what makes people love you. Not the size of your waist or the perfection of your skin. So stop questioning yourself. Be bold. Be you, and don't let anyone stop you.
So how has this new outlook on life changed my way of thinking in the romantic world? I am no longer seeking instant gratification. I am no longer seeking someone who places their value on my physical appearance. I will hold out. Hold out for someone who embraces all of who I am. Someone who values my intelligence, my opinions. Someone who is encouraging of my vulnerability. Someone who supports what I do in my life. Someone who will allow me to just...be...me. I shouldn't have to be anyone else. And neither should you. Be with someone who you can be best friends with. Not just a person to look pretty in pictures with. Honestly, I'll hold out for someone who makes me laugh until I get a migraine. Someone who thinks I'm just as cool at home in my sweatpants playing video games as I am dressed up playing music. Someone who will go camping with me for 4 days and not care about the toll the trip has taken on my appearance. Someone who will eat Taco Bell with me at 1am. Someone who will hold my hand when I'm sad. And back me down when I'm angry. And cheer me on in my achievements. Someone I can say anything to. And most of all, someone who will be a good dad. So when I say it's going to take someone extraordinary, that's what I mean. Be extraordinary. And wait for someone that is. That's the man that I'm holding out for, ya'll.
Are you rolling your eyes yet? GUESS WHAT. WHO CARES. Isn't that what we should all hold out for? A real partner? Because I am. Yep... I'm a big sappy love puppy. I'm not pretending I'm not, and I'm not altering things about myself to make someone else like me anymore. It's who I am. And someone will be beyond happy with all of that one day. BELIEVE IT.
BELIEVE IN YOU. The REAL you. You can do ANYTHING. You are POWERFUL. Be the best you. And hold out for nothing but the best. In love, in friendships, in life.
SO. Guess I'll let you see now. Thanks for reading. Thanks for letting me be me. Mwah!
I love you for getting to the end of this. Thank you from the bottom of my ginormous heart.
-Whitney
